A Kick In the Arse

In a recent issue of O, the Oprah Magazine, two women wrote about "waiting." The headline for the entire piece was "Are You Waiting for Your Life to Begin?" and the two essays are really best summarized by the deck: "Elizabeth Swados has spent most of her life in a state of foot-tapping, knuckle-drumming expectation: for her vacation to begin, her food to arrive, true love to come knocking and more. Cut to Sharon Salzberg, who mulls over the downsides, upsides, priceless lessons, and incredibly productive uses of that stretch time between Now and When."

Both authors, in different ways, came to the same conclusion: Live in the Now. And be truly present in the Now.

Well, they awakened my muse. I immediately thought of a novella by Henry James. In his The Beast in the Jungle, protagonist John Marcher is waiting for his life to begin. John believes that some fantastic (good or bad) event is going to happen in his life -- it waits for him like a beast in the jungle. He also believes that this event is so important that he can do nothing else but wait for it. He's lucky enough to find a female friend, May Bartram, who will wait with him. But this being the turn of the century (1903ish), he and May don't co-habitate or have any sexual relationship. They grow old and nothing happens. May dies and John realizes he wasted his life. It gets a bit melodramatic at the end (John throws himself on May's grave, cursing his stupidity (and, probably, his virginity)).

The take-away idea is that many of us long for an experience, a raison d'etre, something that will redeem us from this mundane existence.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them," said Henry David Thoreau.

And you know how it goes, once you start thinking about a subject (like fate), other events conspire to fit the theme. The kids and I watched a Naruto marathon where two of the characters struggled with the demons (real demons) inside of them and another with having been born into the wrong blood line. Do they let the demons control them, or do they learn to control the demons? What if you're born in the blood line that's not supposed to have the heroes, does that mean you can't rise above that and become a hero?

Then there's my divorce, of course. And my kind-of-new position at work. And my company announcing it's moving. All this change at once. I have to wonder if fate is giving me a kick in the arse and telling me to stop waiting for something and just do something. I just have to figure out what it is I'm supposed to do.

"Freewill," by Rush, falls into this theme, and I just happened to hear it recently. I don't really know Rush (as my friend Jimmy3000 will tell you, chicks don't dig Rush), but this song fits:

There are those who think that life/Has nothing left to chance/With a host of holy horrors/To direct our aimless dance

A planet of playthings/We dance on the strings/Of powers we cannot perceive/The stars aren't aligned/Or the gods are malign/Blame is better to give than receive

You can choose a ready guide/In some celestial voice/If you choose not to decide/You still have made a choice

You can choose from phantom fears/And kindness that can kill/I will choose a path that's clear/I will choose free will

There are those who think that they've been dealt a losing hand/The cards were stacked against them/They weren't born in lotus-land

All preordained/A prisoner in chains/A victim of venomous fate/Kicked in the face/You can't pray for a place/In heavens unearthly estate

Each of us/A cell of awareness/Imperfect and incomplete/Genetic blends/With uncertain ends/On a fortune hunt/That's far too fleet...

Yeah.

P.S.
Two listed contributors to this blog recently moved west -- to the wet northwest and to the dry southwest. Good luck to both of you and with the next chapters in your lives.

P.P.S
I upgraded to the new Blogger and all the contributors now have to re-log in or something like that. So many of you have disappeared. : (